Potty training is hard, especially when your child keeps insisting on a diaper. This behavior can fuel anxiety and self-doubt among parents who are actively encouraging toddlers to use the toilet. It can also create confusion when trying to choose the best potty training method.
So what’s the trick to handling a child who just can’t quit the diapers? Start by understanding their reasoning, then implement a solution catered to their needs. Here, we break down exactly how to handle the situation.
Why Do Kids Resist Giving up Diapers?
Even if your child exhibits signs of potty training readiness, they still may cling to their diaper. As frustrating as this can be (for child and parent alike), it’s very common and likely not intended as defiance. Here are some common reasons for a refusal to ditch diapers.
They’re nervous about the change. Giving up the diaper, like any rite of passage while growing up, could feel genuinely upsetting for your child, and they might cling to the comfort of their routines. For that reason, parents should acknowledge when their child no longer tolerates a wet or dirty diaper, and use this as an opportunity to push them out of their comfort zone with potty training.
They’re worried about failure. Another reason a child might prefer a diaper is that they worry about disappointing you (or themselves) with accidents. That’s why it’s helpful—and good for a child’s self-esteem— to focus on the successes instead of failures.
They’re stubborn. Stubbornness may also play a part—and that’s OK. Young children learn by testing boundaries and build independence by making their own decisions. Power struggles are par for the course when implementing new routines, teaching new skills, or altering expectations. Adapting to letting go of diapers is no different.
They might have other reasons. Children might resist potty training because they still want to be your “baby.” They may like the design imprinted on their diapers (a problem solved by providing equally enticing big-kid pants). Or, they might just like getting a rise out of you—and your attention. No matter what, it’s important to find the source of the resistance. Once they feel heard and their concerns are aired, you’ll likely see greater compliance with your potty training plan.
Is Your Child Ready for Potty Training?
For your child to get rid of diapers, they must be ready for potty training. There are no hard-and-fast rules for timing, but the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says many toddlers begin potty training between 2 and 3 years of age. Most kids are “bowel and bladder trained” by age 4.
You’ll know when your child is developmentally ready to work toward this skill when they regularly show the typical signs. Look out for the following indicators of potty training readiness:
- Can stay dry for at least two hours
- Brings you a fresh diaper after soiling one
- Can follow a simple series of instructions
- Dislikes the sensation of wet or messy diapers
- Exhibits increasing independence, as in wanting to be “a big kid” and “do it by myself”
- Is interested in “big kid underwear”
- Knows when they need to go (at least some of the time)
- Displays signs that they need to use the bathroom (for example, grunting)
- Can walk to the bathroom and get undressed
- Shows an interest in using the toilet
Choosing a Potty Training Method
We wish we could say there’s a potty training solution that magically gets all kids to enthusiastically swap out their diapers for the toilet. But the fact is, you’ll discover more ways to potty train than you can probably imagine. Parents should accept that each child will respond differently to these tactics—and you won’t necessarily know which one will “click” until you try.
For example, you might consider using potty training pants, videos, songs, rewards, or positive reinforcement. Your child might respond well to hourly (or more) trips to the toilet, or they could fare better going completely bottomless for a few days.
Essentially, the transition from diapers to underpants is not a one-solution-fits-all scenario. Honoring personal preference, timing, and comfort (for both the child and parent) is key, and it will help in your quest to wean your toddler off their diapers.
Tips for Potty Training a Child Who Wants Diaper
Loving patience—combined with holding firm to your objectives—tends to work wonders. Here are some tips for potty training a child who refuses to give up diapers.
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- Always listen to your child. Have empathy for their concerns, and realize that taking this leap towards bathroom independence is a big deal. It might even feel scary or sad for them. Let your child know it’s OK if they’re upset about letting go of diapers.
- Focus on their successes and praise any positive steps, whether it’s keeping a diaper dry, alerting you when they didn’t make it to the toilet in time, or trying to use the potty.
- Use any mishaps as teaching moments and avoid scolding, shaming, or punishments.
- Defuse any power plays that pop up. Avoid giving in to tears or tantrums.
- Create a reliable toilet routine so your child knows what to expect.
- Be consistent in your policy. Holding firm in a kind, reassuring, and encouraging way—even in the face of a tantrum or two—will send the message to your child that they are, in fact, ready to master this skill.
- Follow through with your words. If you say, “No more diapers!” then you should mean it. If you hand your child a diaper every time they want one, they may keep insisting on using them.
Potty Training Tip
When your child has an inevitable accident, don’t punish them or react with exasperation. Simply tell them that it’s time to get cleaned up and help them through it. Use phrases like, “Good try,” “Potty training is hard work,” and “You really tried hard…I bet next time you’ll make it to the potty.” Instill self-confidence and pride in your child to convey that you believe in their future success.
Should I Eliminate Diapers Completely?
If you believe your child’s reliance on diapers is getting in the way of toilet training, consider making them off-limits. This approach works best if you’re following an intensive potty training method that involves spending several days focused exclusively on using the bathroom. You’ll want to remove the diapers from sight (keep them in a cabinet with a safety lock, for example) to limit temptations and reminders.
You might set also aside designated times when your child can use diapers, such as during naps or outings. If your kid has trouble switching between diapers and underwear, though, it may work better to rely on thick training pants, fewer fluids in the evening hours, and a protective covering on the bed.
When your child asks (or wails) for a diaper when you want them to use the potty, try very calmly and firmly directing them to use the potty. Remind them that diapers are for bedtime only (or whatever your policy is).
That said, it’s worth considering if your child’s persistent demands for diapers may mean they’re not quite ready to potty train. If you’re unsure, review the readiness cues, and consider trying again in a month or two. Giving your child some extra time and space may result in a faster, more positive potty training experience when you’re both ready to try again.